About a month ago, I spoke at a local church, and as I always do, I focused on getting into the Word of God and how it is the game-changer. While I was unpacking how to create space for this, I felt pause in my spirit. Without taking a breath I said, “Some of you are wondering how do I get into the Word of God when I don’t have the support of my husband? When my husband isn’t the spiritual leader in my home?”
Since that talk, I have had woman after woman come up to me and say, “When you mentioned about not having the support of my husband, that resonated. It’s like you were speaking to me.”
I’ve heard this sentence on repeat.
And before we dog our men, let’s just go ahead and not. They are doing the best they know to do with what they were given. So, let’s all set down our fingers and settle in for real practical ways to grow spiritually if your husband isn’t the spiritual leader of your home.
LET JESUS BE YOUR WELL
Your man does not have some spring of living water that he is drawing from that has some magical power for you. Your man, no matter how good a man, will leave you feeling dry from time to time.
Here’ s a tip: women who need their men to meet their every emotion will come up disappointed every single time.
Let’s go ahead and do the best thing we could for our guys. Let’s stop believing they hold the keys to the kingdom of magical water that will quench us from this mean, nasty world.
Our men don’t hold those keys.
FIND THE GOOD
Your man longs to be honored and respected. He needs your words of affirmation more than he actually thinks he does. In fact, I would say a woman’s words actually hold great influence over a man.
And I believe my husband would nod his head in agreement.
What if this week you found a way to affirm your guy, even if he isn’t leading you spiritually? Can you leave him a note in his car? Can you publicly affirm him on Facebook by calling out his strengths? Can you pause and put your hands on his arms and look him in his eyes and tell him thank you for what he is doing positively for your family?
Don’t let this week go by without doing something to thank your guy for the good he is doing.
NO MORE EXCUSES
I recently started taking a Crossfit class. And it’s ridiculous. There are ropes and tall platforms and weights that I am absurdly supposed to lift above my head because someone somewhere thought all of this would be a good idea. And all I want to do is eat a chocolate chip cookie and not feel bad about it.
No one I know, as of yet, (I’m working on Michael) really likes this class, but I know I needed something different for my body. I know if I want to feel better and healthier that I need to try new things.
So every Saturday I go and I feel completely in over my head. But what matters most is that I am doing it. I am doing the thing that I know will make me feel better, even though I am doing it alone.
Bottom line is this: don’t make excuses that you need your man to open the Bible. Open it yourself. Don’t wait for him to take you to church, either. Gather the kids and say you will be back in a couple of hours. Get a nice coffee and head down the road. If he goes to play a round of golf while you are at church, don’t complain. Ask him about it. Maybe he will ask you about church.
*Side note: If this is going to cause high issues in your home because your guy has a real issue with church, the above is not your best advice. I would actually seek counseling or work this out before you just start gathering up your babes to head to church. That is going to head to trouble fast.
GRAB YOUR GIRLS
We have direct access to God. Not just your pastor, not just a man – you have access to the King. Why not use it at every opportunity you can?
Five years ago, I started a prayer group with several women and this commitment has revolutionized the entirety of my life. Praying together with other women has taught me how to be vulnerable. These women have discipled me in how to pray (and none of us claim to be experts!) These women have listened to every single burden and hung it on the throne of God with me. And they love me when I can’t seem to handle my own life.
Which seems to be a normal experience.
Megan Hill puts praying together this way: “Unlike emailing a request or posting one on social media, having to show up at a specific time at a certain place with particular people meant I had to surrender my own priorities for the good of others. Committing to pray for all the requests—not simply ensuring that other people prayed for me—was a valuable act of self-denial. Each of us in that meeting prayed together at cost to ourselves, and in our shared sacrifice we found blessing.”
Gathering my girls to pray has been one of the greater blessings of my entire life. No exaggeration.
Maybe it’s time you make this commitment, too.
So dear girl, you can have a flourishing, rich, growing relationship with God even if your husband isn’t leading your home currently. Start by letting Jesus be your well and then go ahead and take a stab at the other three points in this piece. And if I could give you a high five, I would. Let’s just pretend. Ready, set, go!
“In the same way, wives submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live when they observe your pure and reverent lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2 CSB